Plain Old Mister Haggard Now

On the subject of male-bonding (see last post) it appears the good Reverend Ted Haggard……..


………..late of the New Life Church in Colorado Springs, has now decided – with a lot of “help” from various Inquisition church officials – that he’s not homosexual after all.

Not only did he never take the methamphetamines he confessed to buying (“I threw them away”) but he only ever hired the male prostitute, Mike Jones, for a massage.

A rose, they say, by any other name……?

Back in November, Haggard announced he was about to undergo a period of “spiritual restoration” that would likely take years. But it didn’t. Three weeks later he was completely cured, totally heterosexual, and the “…….part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I’ve been warring against it all of my adult life” – is no more.

A Divine miracle, perhaps?

Perhaps not. One would think if God had performed a miracle on Father Ted his church would be clamoring to welcome him back into the fold. Nothing is further from the truth. Part of the “agreement” between Haggard and the New Life Church is that he will leave the area and take up a secular line of work elsewhere.

In response, the now Mister Haggard has announced he will probably move to Missouri or Iowa where he will pursue a Masters Degree in ………wait for it! ……….Psychology!

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2 Replies to “Plain Old Mister Haggard Now”

  1. I expect he will be back in the news within 3 months. For now, I believe the gay community is throwing him a huge farewell party with a big banner that says, “See Ya, Sucker!”

  2. PM – He’s not the sort to hide his light under a bushel, or anything else for that matter. It will be interesting to see where he surfaces next. Running for president, probably!

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