Leaving aside the would-be-presidents and their intense political news of the day, there were some fascinating items from NBC Nightly tonight, beginning with a new study involving a million human beings from all around the world. The mid-life crisis, it seems, is real and according to NBC’s resident quack expert, this study produced fascinating truths never before revealed.
According to the report, most astonishing was the fact women suffer their mid-life crisis from around the age of forty, but men are about a decade later.
Well, wha’ der yer know?
A woman gets to forty and thinks, “Oh, my God! I’m forty! My looks are going, my face is getting wrinkled, it’s all downhill from here!”
Men, on the other hand, are only too well aware that many younger women seek more mature, slightly graying males as sexually attractive partners, but by the time men have reached fifty, ‘maturity’ is shifting to ‘aged’, keeping up with the demands of a woman thirty years younger can prove something of a strain as the old testosterone factory goes on short time, and the average male begins that gradual slide into depression.
My only question is: is there anyone out there – apart from NBC’s Brian Williams and the resident quack expert – who doesn’t already know this?
How much did it cost to undertake this ground-breaking study? How many man-hours were spent interviewing a million people?
Little wonder the global economy is staggering to a standstill.
While on the subject of financial matters, it was further revealed that the average American holds nine credit cards. No, that’s not a typo, I did write ‘NINE’ – otherwise known as ‘9’.
I’ve always considered the average American to be a trifle nuts, but why hold nine credit cards? Not only do they have them, but they’re all maxed out – to the limit!
A word of advice, America: credit cards are the greatest financial asset on the planet for running your day-to-day finances – but, there’s only one way to use a credit card. Only have one, charge everything you buy for one month, then PAY IT OFF! After one year the credit company will owe you between two and three hundred dollars; you never have to carry cash, and best of all, your credit rating soars.
If every American did this, credit businesses would eventually collapse. And where would all their billions of dollars in assets have gone? Into our pockets, that’s where!
Wise up, America!
In fact, don’t just wise up, America – wake up! Dear old NBC Nightly pulled another gem of a rabbit from Brian William’s silk top hat tonight with news of two government reports stating the Food and Drug Administration is, not just under strain; not buckling at the knees; not even cracked, but “broken”.
Of course, we all knew it, but it’s nice to have it officially confirmed once in a while. Meanwhile, hauled before Congress in the manner of a small boy propelled into the school principal’s office for smoking behind the bike sheds, FDA Commissioner Andrew von Eschenbach said, in his defence:
“We’re not here today because of what is wrong with the FDA, but because of what is right with it, and must get even better…… “
According to two recent government reports, large numbers of people are dying because of “what is right” with the FDA.
Three of the most important Federal institutions in America have now been officially classified as “broken”. The Food and Drug Administration, the Federal Emergency Management Agency, and the Social Security Administration.
There aren’t that many others of any consequence. The biggest, created and expanded out of all proportion by George W Bush, is the Department of Homeland Security. To date, no-one has dared to classify that as “broken”, though there can be little doubt it’s seriously mangled.
It’s a strange irony really, when you think about it. The economy’s in a mess, America is borrowing another $150 billion dollars from China, and there just isn’t any cash available to mend all these broken institutions.
You would think George W Bush would have mentioned that in his State of the Union address. In fact, you’d think all these would-be-presidents out there would want to discuss that, wouldn’t you? But, no, they all just leave it aside.
Like Mister Average American, they simply add one more to their collection of credit cards, then max it out.
Filed under: Daily nightly