Latest News, Or Ancient History?

Congratulations are in order tonight. Surely Brian Williams and the NBC Nightly News team deserve a medal for their performance as “Best American News Program Broadcasting the Least News” in a half hour segment.

After wringing yet another drip of emotion out of the Virginia Tech massacre, the stalwart Brian went on to recount how “Schoolyard Jitters” after Virginia Tech have hit hard around the nation – though no incidents to justify those jitters have actually been recorded.

For a brief moment, under thirty seconds, there was a pause to announce a shooter had killed a hostage and himself at a NASA establishment – covered in much greater detail half an hour earlier on BBC World News – before the program hurriedly moved on to more important matters, an in-depth interview with some unknown guy who had just published yet another book about Albert Einstein.

Albert Einstein? Has NBC strayed onto the History Channel?

In fairness, Brian pointed out that other news items this week had been pushed out by NBC’s obsessive, blanket coverage of “the massacre”. The one minute and fifty second long segment immediately following this announcement, covered other news NBC had been unable to broadcast in the last few days, including – John Edwards spending eight hundred dollars on two haircuts (two?), Tommy Thompson telling a Jewish group, “Earning money is part of the Jewish tradition” (Ah vey, that’s news?), Sanjaya’s latest hairstyle (San – who?) and the most important news of the week, that should perhaps have even eclipsed “the massacre”, the season’s first “no-hitter” (apparently, this means something to Americans). Well, it wasn’t quite one minute fifty seconds, given that twenty-two seconds of the segment covered – yes, you’ve guessed it – the Virginia Tech massacre.

Nothing daunted, the final two minutes and fifteen seconds of the program covered – yes, you’ve guessed it – the Virginia Tech massacre. In particular, a state trooper happily ensconced at his desk hoping to clear a paperwork backlog, till the call came to high-tail it to Virginia Tech and drag out the dead and wounded. This was NBC’s “Making a Difference” segment. The cop was hailed as a “hero”, rather than a guy just doing his job, and the program finished on its usual ultra-emotional high.

Oh, wait! I do NBC a dis-service. Another riveting segment I almost forgot concerned the town of…..ehhhhm……somewhere in…….I think…..was it South Dakota?…….that was almost destroyed by flood and fire, but has been rebuilt.

It happened ten years ago.

Maybe I did tune to the History Channel by mistake?

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4 Replies to “Latest News, Or Ancient History?”

  1. Democrats and their haircuts. Remember when Clinton supposedly delayed flights because he was getting a haircut? Edwards is a good looking man, but a vain good looking man is yucky. Oh to be the barber who could live on three haircuts a month. Oh, forgive me, I got off track. Our major news channels are just entertainment, not information, aren’t they?

  2. That’s “Oy vey!”

    What are you? Some agitator? Like there is stuff happening in the world more important than Sanjais haircut? I don’t think so!

    If we tried to pay attention to Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, poverty in the US, we’d become confused, insecure. Pablum for the masses! Yes!!

    Here’s to the simple, mindless, COMFORTING news…even if it is about 30 people killed in Virginia, althouth that is only about ten days of US casualties in the Middle East.

    “Halleluleh, Holy shit, where’s the Tylenol?”

  3. Jerry – it may be “Oy vey” where you come from, mate, but in downtown Liverpool from whence I hail – heart of the Catholic un-rest of Britain – it’s “Ah vey” as in “Ah vey Meria”, sung somewhat nasally each Sunday morning by the locals packed into the RC cathedral for Mass, and fervently hoping Father Benedict will hurry things up so they make it to the bar of the Aigburth Arms before the landlord calls “Time!” and denies them the opportunity of downing a swift ten pints of best bitter while Ma cooks a black-puddin’ fry-up for Sunday lunch.

    Who the hell is Sanjais?

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