Author: R J Adams

Oh, lay me down in Forest Lawns, they understand there
They have a heavenly choir in the military band there,
Just put me in their care, I’ll find my comfort there,
With sixteen planes in a last salute, they’ll drop a cross in a
parachute.
I wanna go simply when I go,
they’ll give me a simple funeral there I know
With a hundred strolling strings and topless dancers with golden wings,
Oh, take me when I’m gone to Forest Lawn.

The Ballad of Forest Lawns, penned by that master of irony Tom Paxton, and made famous by John Denver, is supposed to mimic the absurdity of overly-lavish funerals and exotic final resting places for the fabulously wealthy. If lifelong religious orator and God-businessman, Billy Graham, gets his way, however, his last resting place will make Forest Lawns look like some old patch of scrub way out in the desert.

It could be argued that God hasn’t been kind to Mister Graham. At eighty-eight, he’s nearly blind and suffering from Parkinson’s disease. Hardly a golden handshake from the Divinity Graham has served for so long, though perhaps all that will change when Billy finally makes it “upstairs”.

Mind, if Billy Graham gets his way, he may prefer to spend eternity “downstairs”. Apparently, he’s approved plans for his burial place to be a theme park. Visitors are to enter through a forty foot high glass cross and be met by a mechanical, talking cow.

Sadly, the Graham family is somewhat split over the proposal. Eldest son, Franklyn, heir to the family business ministry, is said to be enthusiastic, no doubt considering it a great money spinner. Graham’s wife, Ruth, wants nothing to do with the idea and insists she’ll be buried elsewhere.

For the Graham’s, it’s looking like it really will be a case of “till death us do part”.

I wanna go simply when I go.
They’ll give me a simple funeral there I know.
I’ll lie beneath the sand with piped-in tapes of Billy Graham,
oh, take me when I’m gone to Forest Lawn.

Rock of ages cleft for me – for a slightly higher fee.
Oh, take me when I’m gone to Forest Lawn.

Filed under: Blessed are the meek

President Ahmadinejab of Iran is to be targeted in a lawsuit accusing him of inciting genocide against Israel. Leading the charge is – wait for it! – the “Conference of Presidents of Major American Jewish Organisations”, backed by – wait for it! – none other than ex-US Ambassador to the United Nations, John Bolton.

No surprises there, then. Among other UN delegates, John Bolton had long ago earned the nickname, “Israel’s Man at the UN”, and has always been a prominent Jewish figure in the Republican party, and the present American administration.

Of course, the whole issue is a bloody waste of everyone’s time and money. Even if they won in court – which they won’t – how do they expect to punish old Ahmadinejad? Are they intending to march, kipa-clad, en masse into Tehran and drag him out, I wonder? It could certainly make a great plot for a Monty Python film.

Do these idiots realise how childish they are? They certainly have too much money if they waste it on expensive lawyers and long, tedious, court cases that go nowhere.

It really is little wonder the Jews have struggled to gain respect among their fellow men when they behave with such egotistical arrogance everytime someone dares to critize them.

Take some advice, guys: stay stum! Ahmadinejad will eventually go away with a sore throat and you will have achieved a measure of self-respect.

BBC report HERE.

Filed under: Jewish jokes

For thousands of years the San people, of what is now called Botswana, lived out their lives as hunter-gatherers in Africa’s Kalahari desert.

Four years ago, the Botswana government decided it would be better for the Kalahari Bushmen to be moved to a reserve where they would have schools, clinics, and all the trappings of modern life. The government insisted the move had absolutely nothing to do with international companies itching to get their greedy paws on the diamond rich Kalahari desert.

The Bushman were forcibly removed from their land in January 2002, and since then have been fighting through the Botswana courts for the right to return.

Certainly, the reserve had more amenities than the desert. It also had isolation, boredom, and alcohol. Many of the San people succumbed to alcoholism.

This week, two of three judges decided their case was upheld. The Bushmen of the Kalahari are able to return to their homeland.

It’s one small step in the great scheme of things; one giant leap for the Bushmen. Perhaps those Botswana judges should be requested to adjudicate in the case between the Palestinians and Israelis. So far, no-one else on the planet has managed a fair judgement on the issue.

BBC report HERE.

Filed under: Big winners