Joyful news! I believe I’ve finally found a church that suits me.
I just love the Amazing Grace Baptist Church of Canton, North Carolina. They have all the best ideas, and the greatest of all is planned to take place this very Halloween. They’re having an enormous bonfire and they’re going to burn – Bibles.
Here’s a quote from their website:
Come to our Halloween book burning. We are burning Satan’s bibles like the NIV, RSV, NKJV, TLB, NASB, NEV, NRSV, ASV, NWT, Good News for Modern Man, The Evidence Bible, The Message Bible, The Green Bible………”
Isn’t that brilliant? At last, a church that is prepared to burn the Bible. Now that’s an establishment I can get along with.
And they’re not going to stop there:
We will also be burning Satan’s music such as country, rap, rock, pop, heavy metal, western, soft and easy, southern gospel, contempory Christian, jazz, soul, oldies but goldies, etc.”
Yes! Thank you, God – let it all go up in flames. Well, perhaps save a bit of jazz, but definitely incinerate that bloody contemporary Christian rubbish. Oh, please!
And there’s more –
We will also be burning Satan’s popular books written by heretics like Westcott & Hort, Bruce Metzger, Billy Graham, Rick Warren, Bill Hybels, John McArthur, James Dobson, Charles Swindoll, John Piper, Chuck Colson, Tony Evans, Oral Roberts, Jimmy Swagart, Mark Driskol, Franklin Graham, Bill Bright, Tim Lahaye, Paula White, T.D. Jakes, Benny Hinn, Joyce Myers, Brian McLaren, Robert Schuller, Mother Teresa, The Pope, Rob Bell, Erwin McManus, Donald Miller, Shane Claiborne, Brennan Manning, William Young, etc.”
Oh, please – please, let me throw all the “Left Behind” books on the bonfire, and anything written by the Pope, Dobson, Billy Graham, or any of the other nutters. Just watch those sparks fly!
But…hang on, what’s this? It says here they’ll not be burning the King James Version, or……
……Bibles written in other languages that are based on the TR. We are not burning the Wycliffe, Tyndale, Geneva or other translations that are based on the TR.”
Oh, come on, guys, you may as well include them as well; you know, make a real night of it?
Darn! Just for while there, I thought I’d found a purpose-driven life.
 “Amazing Grace Baptist Church Book Burning” Grand Halloween Event
NOTE: Owing, no doubt, to a counterattack by evil Papist forces, the above link appears to have been sabotaged. For the purpose of substantiation only, please use THIS ONE.
Filed under: Saints preserve us!