Almost Hallelujah

Joyful news! I believe I’ve finally found a church that suits me.

I just love the Amazing Grace Baptist Church of Canton, North Carolina. They have all the best ideas, and the greatest of all is planned to take place this very Halloween. They’re having an enormous bonfire and they’re going to burn – Bibles.

Here’s a quote from their website:

Come to our Halloween book burning. We are burning Satan’s bibles like the NIV, RSV, NKJV, TLB, NASB, NEV, NRSV, ASV, NWT, Good News for Modern Man, The Evidence Bible, The Message Bible, The Green Bible………”

Isn’t that brilliant? At last, a church that is prepared to burn the Bible. Now that’s an establishment I can get along with.

And they’re not going to stop there:

We will also be burning Satan’s music such as country, rap, rock, pop, heavy metal, western, soft and easy, southern gospel, contempory Christian, jazz, soul, oldies but goldies, etc.”

Yes! Thank you, God – let it all go up in flames. Well, perhaps save a bit of jazz, but definitely incinerate that bloody contemporary Christian rubbish. Oh, please!

And there’s more –

We will also be burning Satan’s popular books written by heretics like Westcott & Hort, Bruce Metzger, Billy Graham, Rick Warren, Bill Hybels, John McArthur, James Dobson, Charles Swindoll, John Piper, Chuck Colson, Tony Evans, Oral Roberts, Jimmy Swagart, Mark Driskol, Franklin Graham, Bill Bright, Tim Lahaye, Paula White, T.D. Jakes, Benny Hinn, Joyce Myers, Brian McLaren, Robert Schuller, Mother Teresa, The Pope, Rob Bell, Erwin McManus, Donald Miller, Shane Claiborne, Brennan Manning, William Young, etc.”

Oh, please – please, let me throw all the “Left Behind” books on the bonfire, and anything written by the Pope, Dobson, Billy Graham, or any of the other nutters. Just watch those sparks fly!

But…hang on, what’s this? It says here they’ll not be burning the King James Version, or……

……Bibles written in other languages that are based on the TR. We are not burning the Wycliffe, Tyndale, Geneva or other translations that are based on the TR.”[1]

Oh, come on, guys, you may as well include them as well; you know, make a real night of it?


Darn! Just for while there, I thought I’d found a purpose-driven life.

[1] “Amazing Grace Baptist Church Book Burning” Grand Halloween Event

NOTE: Owing, no doubt, to a counterattack by evil Papist forces, the above link appears to have been sabotaged. For the purpose of substantiation only, please use THIS ONE.

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8 Replies to “Almost Hallelujah”

  1. Link goes through to a suspended page 🙁 (looks like they couldn’t handle the sarcasm!)

    Hmmm – I wonder what interesting chemicals CDs and tapes give off when they burn? Who do you want to stand down-wind?

  2. Jo – I’ve added a new link just to verify the story. The original was working yesterday when I wrote the post. Perhaps a sudden influx of visitors has caused it to crash.

    You’re right about the pollution aspect. They should be prosecuted for environmental damage.

    Apparently, the church only has fourteen members. If they’d agree to burn the King James Version as well, they could have fifteen. 😉

  3. I have a TV just for watching movies – no cable, antenna, or conversion box. Guess what TBN (Trinity Broadcasting Network) comes in clear as a bell. I thought they were supposed to surrender the RF waves. What gives?

  4. Um…besides the King James, what are they going to save? What do they listen to?

    Have any of them fallen off the edge of the earth yet?

  5. If I read it in the Bible then I know it is true, because the Bible is the Word of God.
    It is the Word of God because it is written in the Bible.

    Many years ago I heard an ‘Evangelical Christian’ say, “If the Bible said Jonah swallowed the whale, I would believe it.”

    At that time there was a kids’ comic called The Beano (is it still around?). Its most famous character was Desperate Dan, a giant of a man who used to swallow huge cow pies.
    Now, if The Beano had said that the cow pie had swallowed Dan…

    But it would be a mistake to assume that everything in the Bible is rubbish.
    I am no biblical scholar, but as I understand it, the diverse material that was collated, revised, edited and became known as ‘The Bible’, was written a long time ago by men, at different periods in the history of a group of tribes, sharing a similar culture and religion, who were going through bad times.
    Most of this was, I guess, done with the best of intentions: although one might reasonably ask: best for whom? (There is a strong political slant to all of this). But I suppose that the main purpose was firstly, to explain the parlous situation these people found themselves in (and apportion blame), secondly to spell out what must be done top to unify a loose group of tribes wandering around the Middle East, and thirdly, to hold out hope of the nation’s deliverance into God’s ‘Promised Land’.

    People: How come we are always getting pushed around? Kicked out of our lands? Despised, ridiculed and treated so badly? Why are we always the losers?

    Priests: Because you have turned away from God. And God is angry – he is punishing you.

    People: Please tell us what to do.

    Unfortunately, when you drag God into the picture, as a legitimisation of social policy then you had better be careful you don’t let the great unwashed know too much. Keep all the information to yourself. Award yourself the title of ‘God’s representative on earth and claim sole authority for the interpretation of ‘God’s Will’

    Of course if the Labour Government gave that sort of answer today it would no go down too well. “The recession is upon you, not because of our inept management, but because you have turned away from God, and your God is angry and is punishing you”. Yes, quite.
    But back then I suppose, it was a reasonable explanation. What we need to remember is that the ‘wisdom of the ancients’ is all the ancients had before they knew any better.

    By the way, I happen to believe that much of what Jesus said (or what we are told he said) applies today. Jesus – not religion.

  6. George mentions: ‘there is a strong political slant towards this’.

    It’s my belief that religion is politics, and vice versa. Both take power and use it to manipulate the populace using a combination of mass hysteria and indoctrination.

    Interestingly, the Founding Fathers tried hard to separate the two – and failed miserably. Politics and religion are like the opposing poles of two magnets, always attempting to get together, and managing it, even when other forces temporarily drag them apart.

    The teachings ascribed to Jesus of Nazareth have nothing whatever to do with religion. They apply equally to all people, those who choose to worship a ‘god’, and those who don’t.
    “Love one another”, is surely still relevant whether one believes in an afterlife, or not.

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