A Depressive Ho, Ho, Ho!

For some, it seems, Santa Claus may not have visited this year. While the vast majority of us were sipping our Christmas port and musing on the blessings of life, that peculiar breed of individuals known colloquially as, “the economists”, were tearing their hair and draping themselves in sackcloth as their earnest entreaties and threats, aimed at the rest of us, failed to bear fruit.

It seems we just didn’t spend enough this holiday season.

Given the state of my depleted bank account, I find that hard to believe, though I suppose my spending has not necessarily been on par with the rest of America’s. The question to arise from all this is: should we worry?

My answer is a simple: no.

While no-one wants a return to the austere days of the Great Depression, I refuse to bother myself because Sam Walton’s bank account has shrunk to an even greater degree than my own. In fact, I have to admit to a sneaking sense of satisfaction at the very thought.

What occurs during an economic recession is that those who labor under the misnomer of being ‘middle class’ in America (“middle class” = those able to borrow money to spend; as opposed to those who can’t, who are known as “the poor”, a blight on society, and socially outcast) find the ratio of their income to expenditure drastically swinging in the wrong direction.

The Sam Walton’s of this world rely on the middle class of America to give them their borrowed money and keep them in the stinking luxury to which they are accustomed. The middle class do this by purchasing for dollars, borrowed from Sam Walton’s friends, goods Sam has paid for with handfuls of cheap rice. When Sam gets those middle class dollars he spends a few to buy more rice, and pay a pittance to his workers, then pockets the thick wad remaining. Meanwhile, his friends earn a nice steady income in interest on the dollars loaned to the middle class to buy Sam’s goods.

An economic recession occurs when Sam and his friends get too greedy and attempt to snatch more dollars from the middle class than they have available. Suddenly, Sam can’t sell his goods, so he can’t purchase more. He’s left with a huge mound of cheap rice on his hands and with an ever-dwindling bank account is forced to eat the rice himself.

In an instant, Sam’s worst nightmare is realized; he’s become one of the middle class he’s lived off so opulently for years. Unable to digest this horror, he leaps to his death from a high building, moments before the Federal Reserve Gods wave their magic wands, lower interest rates, and make the money machines work again.

Everyone is happy once more. Sam’s relatives pocket his money, give him a swanky send-off, which costs them nothing as they own the funeral parlor, and breathe a long-drawn sigh of relief.

Santa Claus has returned to Wall Street.

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6 Replies to “A Depressive Ho, Ho, Ho!”

  1. Sam Walton and Earl P. Halliburton were both born in Oklahoma (Halliburton in the town where we live). I’ve written blogs about them both in the past, and wondered if they’d be proud or ashamed of the way their comapanies have developed in modern day USA. They both lived a classic version of the “American Dream”, and credit is due to their hard work in those early days. I think they’d both be horrified to see what their companies have become.

  2. I find it so ironic that all the free market champions want the government to bail the banks out just like they did when Reagan helped the savings and loan pigs by throwing our country into deep debt. Regulation of people with money is so wrong because they are noble and honest at heart (said sarcastically).

    Basing an economy on consumption instead of production is doomed but I doubt the Walton family will be poor ever.

  3. TOB – the old Merle Travis song, “You load sixteen tons, and what do you get? Another day older and deeper in debt.” No, nothing really changes.

    Twilight – I don’t know if they’d be horrified or proud. It depends if they would now consider their American dream a huge success, or an abominable nightmare. I was, of course, using the name ‘Sam Walton’ as an example of the wealthy corporate elite in this country, rather than singling him out personally.

    Flimsy – using government as a cash cow to bail out failed corporates is, at best, the lowest form of cronyism. At worst, it’s stealing from the poor, who pay the most taxes, to give to the rich. The next president needs to have a name like…..Robin Hood?

  4. I do like the Karmic fallout for Walmart – of all the rotten, abusive life-sucking corporate entities, this is the one who donates the very least to charity. End of days for these monolithic vampires, I hope. A brave new world being forged on their mass graves?
    I do hope so.

  5. WWW – end of days for Walmart & Co? We can hope. Though not to be followed by that “Brave New World” of Aldous Huxley, I trust?

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