The King of Kings Is Returning – He Must Be It’s On The Calendar

It’s the time of year for buying calendars. I went to the store and browsed the selection in the rack. At least fifty percent of them were overly-sugary, hypocritical, “Christian-based” offerings. Another forty percent were advertising pop singers I’d never heard of.

Eventually, I selected one with nice pictures of mountains. I like mountains. I thought it’d be nice to have mountains on my wall – a different one for every month.

When I got home I studied the cover more closely. To my horror, at the top in small print it said, “Dayspring Christian Connections”.

At the bottom, in equally indiscernible sized writing: “A 2011 INSPIRATIONAL CALENDAR.”

I don’t want to be inspired by a calendar. I just want it to tell me the date and have a pleasing picture. Neither am I the least interested in all the holy crap splattered over the brown cardboard stiffener inside. Where does all this rubbish come from?

God is never early and He’s never late – He’s always right on time and His plan for you is good.”

He’s obviously not using American Airways, then.

or

When the time is right, the King of Kings will return.”

I searched through every month but no-one had marked the date. Which is not very good when I’d paid $4.95.

Dayspring’s “Vision”, it says, is “connecting people with the heart of God, through messages of hope and encouragement, every day, everywhere”.

It’s a bloody calendar, for God’s sake, not a telephone exchange. And, it presupposes ‘God’ has a heart. Do divine immortals require an organ to pump blood? Does this mean ‘God’ has a body? I guess he must have if he needs a heart.

But, enough of this frivolity. Presumably, it’s necessary to have a short memory before becoming a Christian? I ask because, while it’s been a few years since I last read the Bible, I seem to recollect that Jesus threw the merchants out of the temple in Jerusalem because he was pissed off they were using it as a marketplace.

I don’t think it places too much emphasis on that incident to suggest the same Jesus would be equally pissed off with those who use his name to further their own marketplaces.

Of course, it’s always possible the money raised from selling so-called ‘Christian calendars’ is used expressly for feeding the hungry, healing the sick, and promoting peace on Earth. Just the very attributes Jesus of Nazareth promoted.

So, who are ‘Dayspring’?

They’re a subsidiary of the conglomerate known as ‘Hallmark Cards’. Their purpose is neither to feed the hungry, heal the sick, nor promote peace on Earth. In fact, the sole purpose of ‘Dayspring’ is to fatten the bellies of the wealthy and powerful who control these international conglomerates.

They’ve got short memories, too. They’ve forgotten the bit about the camel and the eye of a needle.

The ‘Dayspring’ website will guide you to a wholesome Christian outlet in your town, the only available retailers of ‘Dayspring’ products, where you’ll be able to purchase a greeting card, or other item of Christian tat, including a selection of ‘inspirational’ calendars.

Or, you can do as I did, and get it from Wal-Mart.

My Dayspring calendar, along with its trite, holier-than-thou messages, and hypocritical quotations, will be used as kindling the next time I light a fire in the fireplace. At least, then, it will be of some use. It’ll keep us warm.

I don’t believe in a Christian god. Neither do I believe that Jesus of Nazareth was either divine, or immortal. I’m quite glad of that. I’d feel so sorry for both if I believed they were ‘out there’ somewhere looking down on this nation with all its false piety and hypocrisy.

In America, the temples are all marketplaces now.

[1] Dayspring website

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2 Replies to “The King of Kings Is Returning – He Must Be It’s On The Calendar”

  1. Oh sorry you were caught with such a load of hogwash, RJA. You could perhaps amuse yourself by replacing the Godbusiness with a pet’s name by a stroke with a Sharpie.
    Hurlmark, much like Mallwart. Shining examples of Christian charity at its best….
    XO
    WWW

  2. Calendars and greetings cards are great cash cows for the corps and the God crowd aren’t they! Love your take on the situation! 😀

    A former neighbour in Leeds kindly sends me a calendar from the UK each year, with nice pics of Brit or Yorkshire scenery, so I managed to avoid the corp/God booby trap.

    This year I’ve bought cards from junk/antique stores (probably somebody’s bankrupt stock from years past), so avoided another corp trap into which I’ve often fallen at Christmas time.

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