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It’s the time of year for buying calendars. I went to the store and browsed the selection in the rack. At least fifty percent of them were overly-sugary, hypocritical, “Christian-based” offerings. Another forty percent were advertising pop singers I’d never heard of.

Eventually, I selected one with nice pictures of mountains. I like mountains. I thought it’d be nice to have mountains on my wall – a different one for every month.

When I got home I studied the cover more closely. To my horror, at the top in small print it said, “Dayspring Christian Connections”.

At the bottom, in equally indiscernible sized writing: “A 2011 INSPIRATIONAL CALENDAR.”

I don’t want to be inspired by a calendar. I just want it to tell me the date and have a pleasing picture. Neither am I the least interested in all the holy crap splattered over the brown cardboard stiffener inside. Where does all this rubbish come from?

God is never early and He’s never late – He’s always right on time and His plan for you is good.”

He’s obviously not using American Airways, then.

or

When the time is right, the King of Kings will return.”

I searched through every month but no-one had marked the date. Which is not very good when I’d paid $4.95.

Dayspring’s “Vision”, it says, is “connecting people with the heart of God, through messages of hope and encouragement, every day, everywhere”.

It’s a bloody calendar, for God’s sake, not a telephone exchange. And, it presupposes ‘God’ has a heart. Do divine immortals require an organ to pump blood? Does this mean ‘God’ has a body? I guess he must have if he needs a heart.

But, enough of this frivolity. Presumably, it’s necessary to have a short memory before becoming a Christian? I ask because, while it’s been a few years since I last read the Bible, I seem to recollect that Jesus threw the merchants out of the temple in Jerusalem because he was pissed off they were using it as a marketplace.

I don’t think it places too much emphasis on that incident to suggest the same Jesus would be equally pissed off with those who use his name to further their own marketplaces.

Of course, it’s always possible the money raised from selling so-called ‘Christian calendars’ is used expressly for feeding the hungry, healing the sick, and promoting peace on Earth. Just the very attributes Jesus of Nazareth promoted.

So, who are ‘Dayspring’?

They’re a subsidiary of the conglomerate known as ‘Hallmark Cards’. Their purpose is neither to feed the hungry, heal the sick, nor promote peace on Earth. In fact, the sole purpose of ‘Dayspring’ is to fatten the bellies of the wealthy and powerful who control these international conglomerates.

They’ve got short memories, too. They’ve forgotten the bit about the camel and the eye of a needle.

The ‘Dayspring’ website will guide you to a wholesome Christian outlet in your town, the only available retailers of ‘Dayspring’ products, where you’ll be able to purchase a greeting card, or other item of Christian tat, including a selection of ‘inspirational’ calendars.

Or, you can do as I did, and get it from Wal-Mart.

My Dayspring calendar, along with its trite, holier-than-thou messages, and hypocritical quotations, will be used as kindling the next time I light a fire in the fireplace. At least, then, it will be of some use. It’ll keep us warm.

I don’t believe in a Christian god. Neither do I believe that Jesus of Nazareth was either divine, or immortal. I’m quite glad of that. I’d feel so sorry for both if I believed they were ‘out there’ somewhere looking down on this nation with all its false piety and hypocrisy.

In America, the temples are all marketplaces now.

^{[1] Dayspring website}

Filed under: Free shipping on orders over $50

Browsing the BBC website this morning, I was struck by two items of widely differing subject, but with one obvious factor in common. They were both, it appeared, a complete waste of time and money.

I have the greatest respect for science; without it we’d still be living in mud huts and foraging berries, but when a group of Danish and Czech scientists turn their attention to digging up a 16th century astronomer, merely in the hope of discovering what he died of, then frankly they’re obviously short of something more productive to do.

Poor old Tycho Brahe, regarded by some as the father of modern astronomy, died in 1601. Three hundred years later he was exhumed for the first time, by a load of early 20th century alchemists curious to know if he’d been poisoned by his assistant, Johannes Kepler.

On that occasion, high levels of mercury were found in Brahe’s mustache hairs, but as he’d delved into chemistry and alchemy during his lifetime, it really failed to prove anything.

Now, one hundred and nine years later, Brahe is to be temporarily hauled back into societal circulation for the exact same purpose.

In these days of economic instability, global warming, and terrorists behind every lamp post, it’s good to know that science is focused on worthwhile issues. While he’s ‘out’, it’s also hoped to discover the metallic properties of Brahe’s nasal prosthesis.

That’ll be a bonus.

Professor Jens Vellev, from Aarhus University in Denmark, who’s leading the exhumation, says he expects modern technology will allow for a better guess at what killed the famous star gazer:

“Perhaps, we will be able to come close to an answer,” he told the BBC, “but I don’t think we will get a final answer to that question.”^[1]

Never mind, they can always dig him up again in another hundred years.

There may seem little similarity between Tycho Brahe and a Renault ‘Zoe’, but on the BBC website this morning they’re only a click apart.

The ‘Zoe’ is a small, smart-looking, prototype electric car from the French motor manufacturer (eat your heart out General Motors) and it’s hard to imagine why it should become the subject of a private court case. But it has.

Apparently, girls called ‘Zoe’ throughout France are dismayed at having a car named after them. A French lawyer by the name of David Koubbi is making lots of money representing these ladies in court, demanding Renault drop the name in favor of something less, well – feminine?

From the BBC website:

“There’s a line between living things and inanimate objects, and that line is defined by the first name,” …..lawyer David Koubbi told Associated Press.

“We’re telling Renault one very simple thing: first names are for humans.”

Following Wednesday’s hearing, Mr Koubbi told reporters that the judge had accepted Renault’s argument that Zoe “was not a first name, but just a common noun”. He said that logic was perverse.

He also argued that all of France’s thousands of Zoes could be affected, with playground teasing and, as they grow older, comments in bars such as “Can I see your airbags?” or “Can I shine your bumper?””^[2]

David Koubbi had previously written to Renault’s chief executive arguing that the plans were an attack on the rights of his clients. If he’s correct, they’re also an attack on the rights of: an indigenous tribe of the Brazilian Amazon, a town in Lee County, Kentucky, United States, an alternative/psychedelic band from Mexico, an American independent record label, an American rapper, and a British singer best known for her hit “Sunshine on a Rainy Day” (all courtesy of ‘Wikipedia’).

And let’s not forget the American motor manufacturer, Zoe Motors, who built and marketed the……ah……oooops…’Zoe Zipper’……^[3]

……sorry Mister Koubbi, it’s already been done. Back in 1983. And no-one objected. So, there’s a precedent.

Which may, or may not, be why the judge threw out the case.

Making the whole affair another huge waste of time and money.

Of course, there’ll be an appeal, so it’ll all be exhumed again – just like Tycho Brahe.

^{[1] “Danish astronomer Tycho Brahe exhumed to solve mystery” BBC, November 15th 2010}

^{[2] “Renault can name new car Zoe as girls’ case rejected” BBC, November 11th 2010}

^{[3] “Zoe Motors” 3-Wheelers.com}

Filed under: Get a life

George W Bush has the gall to write publish a book about his presidency that he, no doubt, expects the American people to buy and read. Does he believe that two years of obscurity is sufficient to dull the memory of Abu Ghraib, Fallujah, and the torture of US prisoners at his (admitted) command?

Not to mention Kyoto; The ICC; destroying any chance of diplomacy with Iran; 100,000 dead Iraqis; 4,000 dead Americans; supporting the mass slaughter of Lebanese civilians by Israel in the 2006 Lebanon war; trampling all over the Geneva Conventions.

And then, of course, there was Hurricane Katrina.

Is two years long enough for the American people to forget?

Yes, for many it probably is.

Will it be long before a similar literary offering emerges from Bush’s puppetmeister, Cheney?

He could call it: “Topiary – or, How To Shape A Bush My Way.”

^{For a more detailed analysis of George W Bush’s presidency, see this week’s “Latest Hot Link” in the sidebar.}

Filed under: Hardly Mein Kampf