Please Give Them Something Useful To Do

Could there be anything that better illustrates the impotence and mass insecurity of this present American Congress than its dawdling and time-wasting involvement in a matter which, a) is none of its business, and b) happened nearly one hundred years ago on the other side of the world?

The matter in question is the killing of thousands of Armenians by Turks between 1915 and 1917, whether it should, or should not, be classified as genocide. Today, a resolution in favor of calling it ‘genocide’ was passed by the House Foreign Affairs Committee. Next, the House of Representatives will spend hours, and thousands of tax-payers’ dollars, debating the issue and finally voting on it.

Quite why America’s politicians have this urge to pronounce judgment on someone else’s historical event is somewhat hazy. Perhaps it’s because they feel a need to make decisions on, well, something, given their Head Man has taken over most of the important issues without consulting them?

It’s upset the Turks, and even George Bush is peeved by the resolution, given that Turkey may well disallow use of its Incirlik Air Base in retaliation. Well, Turkey is an ally after all, and one doesn’t go about accusing one’s allies of genocide, now does one? It just isn’t cricket.

Surely, if Congress feels a need to sit around chit-chatting while George Bush gets on with wrecking the world, they could find something to discuss closer to home? Like, for example, should the US Constitution be ceremoniously cremated on a public funeral pyre, with cookies and candies handed out to the children – and a few fireworks in the evening, or just quietly dropped into a passing garbage truck while no-one is looking?

Then of course, there’s the question of George W’s eventual passing, and how the Presidential laying to rest might be conducted, given that no-one will turn up to mourn? Or, if all else fails and they’re truly scratching their heads for inspiration, they could draw straws for who goes down to the local airport restroom and tries to get it off with an undercover FBI agent.

It’s truly sad that these decaying has-beens feel the need to cloister themselves away in darkened rooms discussing irrelevant issues. We all know they were once made to feel important, part of the grand scheme of things, and it’s really not their fault that George W has taken it all away from them, but they need to get out more, learn lessons from their elders.

Take old Jimmy Carter for instance. Now he’s just been on BBC television and told the whole world that Vice President Dick Cheney is a total codpiece who bullies George W into doing everyone he wants.

If Congress really wants to do something significant, they should troop out en masse to the White House lawn, form a big circle around Mister Cheney and shout, “BULLY! BULLY!” at him repetitively for thirty minutes.

Now THAT would be really useful.

(Well, it worked at my school!)

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