Err, excuse me, have you seen Christmas? No, really, is it around here anywhere? The Adam’s household appears to have mislaid it. They only caught New Year at the last moment. One minute to midnight and Mrs Adams suddenly looks up from scrubbing the kitchen cooker, to say, “I think it’s nearly 2016.”
They’ve been rather busy of late. After four months living in a hellhole blatantly advertised as, ‘an authentic 300 year old French cottage, full of charm and elegance…’
…the heating system was definitely 300 years old, as was the bed. The cooker only had half an oven and the three piece suite was plastic from the nineteen-seventies. Sit on it too long and it adhered to the legs like superglue. There was a distinct ripping noise whenever one attempted to stand up…
…but now they have a house of their own. It’s a nice house but the previous owners left in rather a hurry and forgot to tell them nothing had been cleaned since they moved in six years ago – and possibly long before that. Consequently, (Mrs A being a stickler for hygiene) they’ve been scrubbing and disinfecting since December 18th. Christmas dinner was tomato soup hurriedly spooned down before the mop water went cold. Boxing Day was celebrated with beans on toast.
Still, at least the kitchen is finally exhibiting a sparkle. Now it’s time for them to start on the rest of the house.
The internet arrived yesterday. Part of the charm of living in France is waiting forever to get anything done. They were promised the phone wouldn’t be disconnected, then arrived to find it as dead as the proverbial doornail, though why one would expect any metallic object to have ever harboured a lifeforce is quite beyond me.
The phone suddenly resurrected itself on Boxing Day. The internet took a little longer – two weeks longer to be precise. Still, on a good day it provides them with a whole megabyte of download. It’s almost quicker to watch the BBC News on TV rather than wait for it to descend – one agonizing byte at a time – from the internet.
You can understand why there’s been no Sparrow Chat postings since mid-November. Hopefully, things’ll get better before long.
So, if you’re one of the two, possibly three, folks who live in hopes of a few words of Adams’ wisdom occasionally, please don’t despair.
Like Christmas, he’s got to be about here somewhere.