Author: R J Adams

There a vile, pungent odor drifting across the globe. It begins somewhere up in the far reaches of Alaska. It’s nauseating stench permeates around the Golan Heights, across the West Bank, and finds its way into every Palestinian home that borders onto territory Israel claims to be its own.

Israel has a new secret weapon. They call it “Skunk”. Tired of shooting Palestinians who dare to oppose the mighty Israeli army and its ubiquitous invasion of their lands, Israeli scientists have now come up with the most vile, disgusting liquid imaginable. Claimed to be “organic”, and therefore “harmless”, when sprayed on individuals, the pungent odor adheres to its victim for days, defies washing off, and creates misery for the victims and their families.

So powerful is this concoction, Israel is considering selling it to law enforcement agencies overseas as an effective method of crowd control.^[1]

The stench of “Skunk” is spreading across the globe. How long before we see this nauseating weapon used on protesters in New York, or Washington, or London?

The equally ubiquitous Sarah Palin was once again proving how unsuited she is for the job of Vice President this week, when after her débâcle in the VP debate, she set out on a campaigning tour of Colorado and California. Her first message to the good people of those states was to accuse her Democratic opponent, Barack Obama, of domestic terrorism back in the late 1960’s.

Linking him to an organization known as the “Weathermen”, she said:

““Our opponent … is someone who sees America it seems as being so imperfect that he’s palling around with terrorists who would target their own country…..” ^[2]

Being the cold, calculating, slimeball that she is, Sarah Palin failed to point out that the organization to which she was referring, the “Weathermen”, only existed between 1969 and 1974. Obama was eight years old at the time of its inception, and only thirteen when it was disbanded.

The information she has obtained, results from newspaper articles claiming an association between Obama and Bill Ayers, one of the original founders of the “Weathermen”, but now a Distinguished Professor of Education at the University of Illinois in Chicago.

It’s doubtful that Sarah Palin hobnobs with any Distinguished Professors of anything. Judging by her record to date, she has little intellectual ability beyond a capacity for memorizing sound-bites and waffling around issues she knows nothing about.

The use of lies, to formulate political slime designed to score points against an adversary, is despicable. In many ways, it’s comparable to the Israeli’s new “Skunk” weapon. Both aim to saturate their opponents with an obnoxious odor designed to turn others against them, with no recourse to the basic questions of right and wrong.

There’s a vile, pungent odor drifting across the globe. It emanates from a place where the slime-balls of US Republican politics meet the “Skunk” of their Israeli counterparts.

^{[1] “New Israeli weapon kicks up stink” BBC, October 2nd 2008}

^{[2] “Palin: Obama ‘palling around with terrorists'” CSM, October 5th 2008}

Filed under: Bad smells

Okay, so I finally watched “The Debate”. It was a trial, but I forced myself to sit through a full re-run. Actually, in places it wasn’t too bad. Well, the Joe Biden places, that is. What a cure for insomnia that guy is. He should be bottled and marketed by Pfizer. Sadly, my somnolence was disturbed every ninety seconds or so by a shriek reminiscent of an Alaskan albatross as it’s ripped apart by a hungry Grizzly Bear up on the Etivluk River.

(If you don’t know where the Etivluk River is, ask Sarah Palin. In true Romulus and Remus style, she was probably raised up on the Etivluk River, by the same Grizzly Bear as just dissected the albatross).

Obviously, Sarah Palin first learned to talk from hearing the screams of ravaged seabirds. Nothing else would account for that high-pitched, tremulous quaver, with the capacity to shatter glass at twenty moose paces. It truly wasn’t that Joe Biden was boring, it just took ninety seconds or so to recover from the ear-drum numbing squeals Ms Palin extruded, reducing Joe to an almost indiscernible whisper, until another ninety seconds of recovery time left one unprepared for a further onslaught of albatross throttling.

It’s rumored there are men who find this woman attractive? Only in the Northern Anchorage Christian Fundamentalist Welfare Home for the Congenitally Deaf. And then, only those without ear-trumpets.

Having spent ninety minutes of consecutive slumber, interspersed by intermittent nerve-shattering wakefulness, I reached the conclusion that Sarah Palin had one vital qualification that made her the only possible candidate for the post of Vice President. While there were obvious drawbacks: the inexperience; her insistence on calling certain Middle Eastern nations Eye-ran, and Eye-rak, and pronouncing “nucular” in true George W Bush tradition, nevertheless she did posses one quality essential to the future security of the United States and its allies.

For years, the Pentagon has struggled, spent billions of dollars, to perfect an anti-missile missile capability. It has failed. The answer to their problem lies with Sarah Palin. Never mind that she’s rubbish at foreign policy. Forget the simplistic Christian fundamentalist ideals. Sarah Palin is, without doubt, the finest missile defense system this nation could ever procure.

Ms Palin’s voice, amplified a thousand times, concentrated into a narrow beam of sound, and projected into the path of incoming missiles, would reduce them to harmless atomic particles within microseconds.

The nation must decide. But, frankly, there seems no way we can do without her.

Filed under: Nucular deterrent

George Bush’s lot apparently got it wrong again.

It’s no wonder Congress ditched his “bail-out” bill, say advertising execs, he named it inappropriately. It should have been called a “rescue” package, not a “bail-out”, which carries implications of failure; the antithesis of the American Dream.

Alternatively, it called have been sold as an “act of selfless heroism”, reminiscent of the New York firefighters and police officers on 9/11, or, as the BBC report states:

“Alternatively branding people could have re-pitched the crisis in terms of a David versus Goliath battle. Here, outrage is expressed against the giant “wicked warlocks of Wall Street” in need of a sharp lesson meted out by the simple community of god-fearing Americans (the “Davids”) inspired by their leader George – the dragon slayer. (A subtle homage to the special UK/US relationship.)”^[1]

(Sorry, after writing that I just had to go to the bathroom.)

But, no, it was branded a “bail-out”, thus damning it to failure in Congress and raising the ire of the gullible US public, who would undoubtedly have rallied to the flag if the advertising execs of America had first been summoned to package the deal correctly.

The saddest fact of all is that they’re probably right.

^{[1] “If only the bail-out had been called a rescue” BBC, October 3rd 2008}

Filed under: Shoot the spin doctors