We should all respect our politicians more. After all, it takes talent to make it in government these days. Successful politicians need high levels of arrogance; a masters degree in contempt for those they represent; the ability to purloin large quantities of money and favors for doing very little, and above all the knack of making everyone else feel inferior.
Take Britain’s future prime minister, Gordon Brown, as an example.
Incidentally, never before has a candidate for the UK’s top job known in advance he/she is going to be elected. It says much for the quality of today’s British politicians that the democratic process has been upgraded to allow the outgoing prime minister to pick who will succeed him.
The present incumbent, Tony Blair, certainly possesses all the characteristics outlined above, in abundance, but in addition he displays a well-honed degree of deviousness others in the British parliament struggle to emulate. It is, perhaps, that special, extraordinary ability that has placed him head and shoulders above the rest during his last three terms in office, and allowed him to so purify the party electoral process that he was able to declare nine years ago – albeit tactfully – that the new leader would be Gordon Brown.
For his part, Brown is himself honing the skills he learned from watching Blair at work. His latest pronouncement will go down well with the traditional ‘roast-beef-and-two-veg-on-a-Sunday’ brigade – that gallant but ever-dwindling band of ethnically-cleansed, pure-bred, Englishmen who still believe the nation belongs to them and the “damned wogs” can “bloody well go home to Pakistan where they belong”. Any attempt to explain that most “wogs” are at least second generation British citizens, results in a glaze over the eyes and a look of “Dah! This does not compute”.
Never fear, Gordon is here, spurring his mighty charger to the rescue of these fair, white, Englishmen in distress.
Gordon Brown wants all immigrants to sweep the streets, clean public toilets, and trim fair, white, Englishmen’s hedges and lawns. This, he says, will “help them to settle” before becoming British citizens. He would truly like them to volunteer for these awe-inspiring tasks, but just in case they feel insufficiently qualified for such positions, Gordon is prepared to use the full force of law to persuade them otherwise.
Here, then, is a perfect example of Gordon Brown using all those qualifications a politician needs to succeed. His arrogance and contempt are only matched by an ability to instill in immigrants the sense of inferiority necessary for successful British citizenship.
Alas for Gordon, he’s still not quite devious enough for the position he expects to soon occupy. Announcing his intentions in advance allows his enemies to block them. They’ve already suggested his plans are “ill thought out” and “unworkable”.
Gordan needs to pay more attention to his mentor, Tony Blair.
Tony would have said nothing, silvered a few palms to ensure the legislation passed, and then announced it as a “fait accompli” at the next prime minister’s question time.
Pay more attention, Gordon!
Filed under: Special qualifications