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We’ve heard a lot about ‘austerity measures’ of late – both in the US, and in Europe. Nation’s are in financial trouble and the only way out of the mess – we’re told – is for everyone to tighten their belts and make do with less. If you lose your job through no fault of your own – hard luck! If you don’t have enough money to feed your children, and have to give them up to wealthier individuals (as has happened in Greece), it’s just an unfortunate result of ‘austerity measures’ necessary to help the country back into prosperity.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, the only citizens not seriously affected by the ‘austerity measures’ they’ve been instrumental in inflicting on the populace, are the wealthy and powerful of these nations. They get to keep their highly paid positions. They’re not forced to give up their children. They still retain the good things of life – in abundance.

And yet, aren’t they the very same who created the financial mess in the first place?

I received a letter from the British Inland Revenue this morning. I was expecting it. I get one every year. No, it’s not my birthday. They weren’t sending me a card with flowers and, “Best wishes for many more of the same…”. It was actually three letters in one. Two of them detailed the fact that I would not be paying tax on each of my two (minuscule) private pensions this year. The third informed me of the contents of the other two.

The letter was posted from Malta. I don’t know why the British Inland Revenue post their letters from Malta, but if every ex-pat receives similar correspondence from that wayward department of Her Majesty’s Government, then the cost must prove astronomical. I haven’t paid tax in Britain for ten years. I pay my taxes to the US Government. HM Dept of Inland Revenue has known that for ten years. Yet, every year I get a letter from Malta telling me so.

I also received another envelope in today’s mail. It was nineteen inches by fourteen. I’m surprised the mailman managed to squeeze it into the box. It could have been important. It looked important – like it might have come from a lawyer’s office, or the British Inland Revenue.

It didn’t. It was from someone called Harold W. Huffstetler (Jnr). I knew at once, of course. Anyone with a name like Harold W. Huffstetler (Jnr) could only be selling insurance. With a name like Harold W. Huffstetler (Jnr) no-one would ever give you a job, except in the insurance business. It’s a profession stuffed with Harold W. Huffstetler’s, and similar.

The envelope bore the familiar mark of the ‘AAA’. The legend on the front informed me the contents had been ‘Prepared for…’, and enclosed were ‘Your Beneficiary Card’; ‘Your Thank You Gift’; ‘Your Coverage Selection Chart’; ‘Your Summary of Benefits’, and ‘Your Personalized Application’.

The ‘Thank You Gift’ turned out to be a dozen sticky address labels, for which I was, no doubt, expected to be eternally grateful.

I wonder when it was that the ‘Automobile Association of America’ finally parted company with the motor car? I cannot recall the number of junk mail items received over the last twelve months from this marketing front – for that is what it is – bearing no relationship whatever to the original function of the ‘AAA’.

Years ago, when I was a small boy, the British Automobile Association sported clean-cut, uniformed officers driving spick and span motorcycle combinations, ready and willing to aid any member in distress at the roadside. One glance at the shiny yellow and silver badge on a car’s radiator would elicit a smart salute from the rider as he passed you by.

Of course, they don’t exist anymore. And, if they did they’d probably just flog you life insurance.

I wonder how much it costs for Harold W. Huffstetler (Jnr) to send out all those fancy envelopes that end up in the trash? If the AAA and the British Inland Revenue got their heads together they could solve the financial problems of both countries just by saving on envelopes and postage.

Still, look on the bright side. In America the “sequester” started at midnight. It won’t be long before poor Americans are needing to flog their kids to wealthy Greeks.

Is there anyone left in any doubt in this country that those prohibitive cuts in public spending, designed (we are told) as a doomsday machine to force the political parties into agreement, weren’t deliberately planned to happen?

Barack Obama has just now signed the order into force. He didn’t have to sign it, did he? No-one stood over him with a gun to his head. Ah, but it’s the law, I hear you cry. Rubbish, I respond, he has the power of veto. Who’s going to dare throw the POTUS in jail?

Isn’t the “sequester” just “austerity measures” under a fancier name?

Even though it’s still only January, surely the prize for, “Yawn of the Year”, must already be firmly in the hands of this man…

…Lance Armstrong.

It’s difficult for those of us unused to the media assailment that accompanies the fall of American celebrities, to comprehend the US public’s reaction to such matters. One could hope Armstrong’s prolonged, sleep-inducing, interview with the Winfrey would mark an end to this apparently eternal saga, but that’s most unlikely.

For God’s sake, the guy was caught cheating. Dish out the justice he deserves and send him, and his remaining testicle, on his way – either to jail, or somewhere he can’t do further damage. When it’s finally over, he’ll still be worth a fortune and can retire to Barbados, or the Maldives, to live in the lap of luxury.

Until that finally happens I’ll be fast-forwarding the DVR through any TV program that so much as mentions his name.

There was a time, far back in the annals of history, when customer service was just that. We, as consumers, played a vital role in the Capitalist society. Manufacturers, service providers, worked hard to ensure we received the best possible product because, to be sure, if they didn’t their competitors would.

They were the glory days of the consumer. Except, we weren’t called consumers then. We were customers.

A ‘consumer’ is an organism that gobbles up things. A ‘customer’, according to Wikipedia, is:

…the recipient of a good service, product, or idea, obtained from a seller, vendor, or supplier for a monetary or other valuable consideration…”

So the term ‘consumer’ is incorrect. We are all still customers, though the corporate world has quite forgotten it. They prefer to think of us as gullible fools, which sadly some of us are. Hopefully, there are still a few who are not.

This morning, we received a letter in the mail. It was in a nice, posh envelope with fancy writing – though the line above the address, which looked like this:

***********AUTO**3-DIGIT 498

…gave cause for suspicion.

It was from our TV service provider, DishNetwork, and they seemed overcome with gratitude that we were their customer.

Opening the envelope revealed an equally posh little card, again extolling our virtues as their customer:

Was this to be an invitation to dinner with Joseph P. Clayton, himself…

…President & CEO of DishNetwork? (He didn’t buy that suit at Walmart!)

Or, mayhaps, a world cruise – all expenses paid by the company – in recognition of our valued custom?

Alas, no, it was simply a not-very-cleverly-couched attempt at informing us they were raising the monthly rate by another five dollars:

For those of us with less than 20-20 vision, the relevant paragraph reads:

“Starting in February, the monthly price of all core English packages will increase by $5. And if you have a DISH DVR, your service fee will increase by $1.”

It then goes on to illustrate all the many wonderful features that make it okay to charge another $60 a year, though when reading carefully it rapidly becomes obvious the benefits are non-existent.

I wonder how many people are employed by Dish Network solely to come up with ways of conning as many of their customers as possible? No doubt, they all coin in fat salaries for their clever ideas.

If they were all sent packing, and the company purchased cheaper envelopes, there’d be no need to raise their prices.

Do they really think we’re fooled by glossy envelopes and overly-sentimental, insincere, platitudes?

This condescending attitude towards the customer is prevalent in corporate America – try to make him/her feel important while squeezing a bit more from the bank account.

How much annual revenue is produced by every DishNetwork customer paying an extra $60 to $66 a year?

I can tell you.

Approximately, seventy-five million dollars.

Frankly, it stinks.