Month: March 2008

By 2016, the whole of America will have to give up the nice, warm, incandescent light bulbs we all know and love, for the cold, unfriendly, glare of those stupid, curly-wurly things that Wal-Mart sells for an arm and a leg, advertising that they last so much longer, and are much more environmentally friendly, than the good old hundred-watter of days gone by.

Personally, I’ve dug my heels in and refused to buy even one of these blighted monstrosities. Is it because they’re not as environmentally friendly as Wal-Mart decrees, or am I just one of those earth-unfriendly beings determined not to be put out by eco-warriors demanding I succumb to every crazy, “save the planet” idea they can un-glue from their marijuana-impregnated minds?

Well, certainly not the latter. I have the greatest regard for eco-warriors, marijuana-impregnated minds, or not. At least they’re making an effort to save the world from global warming, which is more than can be said for the politicians, who seem to think economies are just that bit more important than reversing climate change.

And that’s exactly why I have no stupid, curly-wurly, unfriendly-glare-inducing things sticking out of the light sockets in my house.

Still uncertain as to my thinking? Let me help you out.

In the town of Decatur, Illinois, exists a sugar-processing plant known colloquially as “Staley”. It is, in fact, owned by the titan corporate, “Tate & Lyle”, in turn owned by the ethanol producer, ADM, in turn owned by……and so on…..

“Great fleas have lesser fleas upon their backs to bite ’em, and little fleas have lesser fleas, and so ad infinitum”

Below, is a photograph of Tate & Lyle’s Decatur plant or, at least, one of it’s polluting chimneys.

The effluent depicted flows from this chimney, without respite, for 365 days out of every year. Tate & Lyle have recently applied for, and been approved, two more boilers each allowed to emit one hundred tons each of carbon monoxide, and other lethal and greenhouse gases, every year. This has been passed by the EPA.

It’s just one plant of thousands throughout the US that pollutes and shortens the lives of many Americans in the great cause of making money for its owners.

What, you may ask, has this to do with the lightbulbs in my house?

It’s really a question of rather complex mathematics. I’ll leave you to ponder the answer.

How many lightbulbs will I have to change to counter the global warming pollutants of Tate & Lyle?

How many lightbulbs will America have to change to counteract corporate pollution throughout this nation?

When you’ve worked out the answer, and can convince me changing my lightbulbs will really help prevent further global warming, I’ll be happy to hear from you.

Oh, and by the way, those environmentally friendly, curly-wurly, lightbulbs contain toxic mercury. Drop one in your home and it could cost you $2,000 to have it safely cleaned up.^[1]

Now that’s what I call “going green”.

^{[1] “Shining a light on hazards of fluorescent bulbs”, MSNBC}

Filed under: Big environmental liars

Hey! Are you an American? Do you know you should be ashamed of yourself? Why aren’t you out there, buy, buy, buying – as though your very life depended on it?

How dare you “look twice at things before buying”. Do you realize you’re not being as frivolous as you were?

George W Bush understands. Only today he said:

“The sooner you get an IRA check, the more likely you are to spend it.”

Well, in truth, what he really said was that “the sooner you get a check, the more likely it is the stimulus package will kick in and make a difference,” but it means the same thing.

American consumers, let’s be brutally frank, the recession is all your fault. You stopped spending, and that’s why the economy has crashed.

Are you not totally ashamed of yourselves? Don’t you realize that because of you all those nice, kindly, bankers who sold you those sub-prime mortgages, are now having to accept hand-outs of your money from the US treasury?

How can you sleep at night?

The future of the nation’s economy is in your hands, Get out there and spend. Never mind that your credit cards are maxed; never mind that there’s no food in the cupboard. Raid your granny’s piggy bank; dig into the kids’ college fund; do whatever it takes to get more greenbacks, but for God’s sake get out and spend, spend, spend!

Don’t be so bloody selfish. It’s not just you who are suffering, you know.

It’s all those nice, rich people, as well.^[1]

^{[1] NBC Nightly – “Are Americans Shopped Out?”}

Filed under: Economic woes

Have you noticed how the Republican presidential nominee, John McCain, has got himself a puppy?

It’s strange, because it’s the same puppy Al Gore selected as his VP in the 2000 election.

How can this be, I hear you ask?

It’s really quite simple. John McCain, mind changer par excellence, needs a similar personage in the form of Joe Lieberman to balance his insecurities.

When McCain blithely extolled the alliance between Iran and al Qaeda recently, it was dear old Joe who whispered in his lug’ole that actually the Iranians were Shia, and al Qaeda one hundred percent Sunni – and never, as they say, the twain shall meet.

Joe Lieberman is a Jew. With a name like that he could hardly be anything else. No great surprise then that he accompanied McCain on a recent visit to Israel.

John McCain isn’t a Jew, though you’d hardly know it from this photograph.

From Israel, McCain headed for the 51st State of the Union and a visit with the governor prime minister, Gordon Brown.

Guess who’s tagging along behind? Oh, no, surely not? Is that really Joseph Lieberman standing beside Gordon?

I do believe it is.

Joe Lieberman was a powerful member of the Democratic party until 2006, when he was beaten in the Connecticut Democratic primary by Ned Lamont. He then went “independent”, which broadly speaking meant he sat on the fence and waited for offers.

Now, it seems, he’s finally got one.

Of course, if that means he’s offered the VP nomination by McCain, he’ll have to jump off the fence and into the opposing camp, but that shouldn’t prove to much of a problem for Lieberman, and having two “bouncy-bouncies” on the Republican ticket will certainly assist the elderly McCain to decide which side of the fence he should really sit on.

Filed under: Twin boomerangs